Bereaved Parents Wish List 

 I wish my child hadn't died. I wish  I had him back.

I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child

lived and was  very important to me. I need to hear that she was

important to  you also.

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you

knew that it  isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the

cause of my tears.  You have talked about my child and you have

allowed me to share my grief. I  thank you for both.

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't

shy away from me.  I need you now more than ever.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want

you to hear  about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you

would let me talk  about my child; my favorite topic of the day.

I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my

child's death  pains you too. I wish you would let me know these

things through a phone  call, a card or note, or a real big hug.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. These first years

are traumatic for  me, but I wish you could understand that my grief

will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day

I die. 

I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand

that I will  never fully recover. I will always miss my child and I

will always grieve  that he is dead.

I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or "be

happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate

yourself. 

I don’t want to have a "Pity party", but I do wish you would let me

grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is

miserable for you to  be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please

be as patient with me as I  am with you.

When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I

don't "feel" okay  and that I struggle daily.

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very

normal.  Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are

all to be  expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn

or irritable and  cranky.

Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent advice.

However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you

could understand that I'm  doing good to handle an hour at a time.

Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes

the world  around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk

away, I wish you  would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.

I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died,

a big part of me died with  him. I am not the same person I was

before my child died and I will  never be that person again.

I wish very much that you could understand ~ understand my loss and

my grief.  But, I pray daily that you will never understand